Kicking the Kindergarten Blues

by Gina Roberts-Grey

As the lazy days of summer start to disappear a familiar buzz of activity begins to occur at shopping centers and department stores. Children sharpen their pencils and eagerly anticipate the preparation associated with the start of the new school year. To a child going off to kindergarten this experience is often filled with great trepidation. He grows anxious wondering what his new teacher will be like and skillfully persuades you to make the pilgrimage to go in search of the best and brightest school supplies.

This year, you and your future kindergartener will join the ranks of parents flipping through boxes of folders searching for his favorite color and stock up on a year’s supply of glue sticks, all in support of helping your child transition into his first day of school. Whether he’s set on finding the coolest backpack or worried about where to sit on the bus, every child experiences a bit of anxiety about his first day of school.

The most confident of children wonder if the kids in the class like him. They worry if they’ll get lost on the playground or receive a lot of homework.

As the big day draws near, you focus a great deal of effort to ensure your child is ready to go to school. You attempt to answer the myriad of questions your future kindergartener has in a way that combines honesty and reassurance.

One source of tension that is easily overlooked is the changes that kindergarten brings for the rest of the family. With all the focus turned toward helping him make the jump from pre-school to elementary school, many parents don’t realize that this event affects the entire household in a variety of ways. These unexpected affects, coupled with your new kindergartner’s apprehension, can leave a parent feeling lost in the sandbox without a shovel!

You can make this new adventure easier for the whole family if you know what to expect. Understanding that parents, kids going to kindergarten and siblings remaining at home all need to adjust to the changes that kindergarten brings is the first step to a smooth transition for everyone.

Talking openly about the fears, questions and preconceived ideas of going to school will help your soon-to-be kindergartener transition from a world where he chooses when to play with legos and when to read a book, to a classroom filled with structure. Knowing his worries are normal gives him the added confidence to bravely accept the challenge of going to school every day. Having your supportive and sympathetic ear to listen to him ask five times a day which line to get into to go to his classroom gives him the security to successfully make the leap toward independence.

If he’s experiencing a great deal of anxiety about being away from home, consider taping a few small favorite photos inside his backpack. Having pictures of his family or pets available to sneak a quick last look at in his locker can help provide additional comfort. Establishing a consistent routine for school pick-up and drop-off lends additional comfort for kids struggling to adjust.

It is also important to not set unrealistic expectations for the first days of school. Avoid telling him school ‘is only an hour’ or ‘there’s no such thing as homework in kindergarten’ in an attempt to ease his separation anxiety or stress. Be careful not to establish a routine for getting him off to school that will be difficult to maintain. If you set a precedent by driving him to school instead of him taking the bus, it may be more difficult to ease him into taking the bus later in the school year.

School is a family affair

Younger siblings often experience a sense of loss or displacement during the first days of kindergarten. They do not always understand that the big brother or sister who is typically around to wrestle, fight or read with is no longer at their disposal. They may feel jealous over the attention shown to their kindergarten sibling at the bus stop or on the first day of school and may regress in behavior as a means of dealing with their sorrow.

Creating a diversion for your younger children helps them cope with the sudden change. Take your three year old on an adventure walk ‘just the two of you’ after dropping your older child at school. Plan to spend a portion of the time at home without your kindergartener focusing on the interests and development of your younger kids. Playing dress-up, building forts and sharing a routine grilled cheese sandwich lets younger children know their security is not in jeopardy. Enlist your younger child’s assistance to create a special lunch all of you can share before or after school in order to help your children maintain their bond during this transition.

While you’re busy taking care of your children’s concerns surrounding kindergarten it is easy to forget to indulge your emotions. Whether this is your first child to go to school, or the last, you’ll greet this day with mixed emotions. From resisting the compelling urge to follow the bus in route to school or sitting on your ‘baby’s’ bed to have a cleansing cry, you’re sure to notice the immediate difference in the activity at home.

Although the maturity and independence of our children is something every parent expects, it is not always easy to welcome this new stage. If your emotions seem to be getting the best of you as you mark this milestone, make plans to go to coffee or for a walk with a friend. Just as your kindergartener needs a support system to muster the courage to get on the bus, parents sometimes rely on the strength of friends to supply the two ply tissues after the bus pulls away.

Just because it may not see like the typical reason to plan a celebration, consider making the first day of school a new family ‘holiday’. Plan a party or special meal to celebrate everyone’s day. Giving each of you a task to concentrate on, and a pleasant ending to a day of emotions helps to lighten an anxious tone. Use the time back at home to reconnect as a family and for everyone to share the details of their day. You’ll ease everyone into this new phase and create a memorable family tradition at the same time.