Angst, Drama and Your Teen
Striking a balance you all can live with
 By Gina Roberts-Grey
If dramatic scenes rivaling those of an Academy Award
winning performance routinely play out in your house,
chances are you have a teen or tween aged child. Sometime
around age eleven, children begin to realize the power that
emotions play. From realizing the attention that a slammed
door grabs to experiencing sympathetic pangs of angst for a
forlorn friend, many children are drawn to drama.
Fueling the instinctual drama of many teens and tweens,
some children seem to be magnets that also regularly attract
angst ridden friends. Combined with an adolescent’s natural
proclivity to evoke a dramatic scene, having teen drama king
and queen friends can be a parent’s worst nightmare.
If you’ve been trying to curb your child’s appetite for
drama or to make better choices in friends you’re not alone.
Although drama can be frustrating and counter productive,
you can take steps to ensure you no longer feel like you’re
fighting an uphill, dramatic battle.
Who is most dramatic?
It is important to understand how your child exhibits his
or her drama. Despite stereotypes and foregone conclusions,
young boys are just as apt to be dramatic as their female
counterparts. "One major difference between a boy’s and a
girl’s drama is the way they express themselves," says Child
Advocate Specialist and Family Therapist Marie Monteleone of
Rotterdam, New York.
Young boys tend to bottle their emotions up until they
can no longer contain their feelings. "Boys will often
explode by shouting, or melt down into an angry pile of
tears," says Monteleone. Teen boys fly off the handle at a
sibling who accidentally touched their possessions or when a
parent inadvertently crosses an invisible boundary line. "My
son has stormed out of the room in tears just because I
asked how his day was," shares Laura Preston of Elmhurst,
Illinois.
"Girls are more apt to express their emotions more
frequently," Monteleone adds. Elizabeth O’Hagan of Avalon,
New Jersey eagerly attests to how often girls dramatically
express their emotions and dramatic flair. "One of my
daughters turns setting the table for dinner into an
elaborate production while another carries on about her hair
not being perfect as though it were the end of the world!"
the resilient mother of four girls explains.
Why drama?
To some extent, every teen or tween plays the part of
drama king or queen. Drama gives teen the chance to explore
the ranges of their emotions and measure reactions to their
emotions. Once you determine what is at the heart of your
child’s drama, you’ll be able to divert it.
Many teens turn to drama because they’re looking for
additional attention. It is possible your daughter is trying
to belong to a social group and feels needed or accepted by
friends who surround themselves with drama. She may be
struggling with peer pressure or how to express herself to
her family and friends. Talk with her to provide clarity as
to how she develops friendships and chooses to express her
feelings, concerns or fears.
Dramatic young men might be coping with teetering between
wanting to be babied and wanting to be treated like an
adult. They might be feeling conflicted between pressure to
‘at like a man’ and the childlike desire to be coddled.
"Understanding where a teen is coming from will provide
insight into his or her emotions," says Monteleone.
Are there any alternatives?
Taming your teen drama king or queen takes a skillful mix
of patience, creativity and persistence. Provide consistent
boosts to your child’s self esteem and confidence to
eliminate the need to gain attention through drama.
Accentuate the positive characteristics of your teen’s peers
who are not overly dramatic to provide subtle direction
toward a different group of friends. Your child will develop
self-confidence to form mutually rewarding and respectful
relationships that are not filled with constant angst and
drama.
When your teen or tween launches into a dramatic scene,
resist fueling the situation by drawing attention to her
actions. Calmly and briefly explain that the dramatization
does not promote effective communication and she should go
to another room to compose herself. After a few instances of
not receiving a response to her drama, your teen will
realize she needs to choose a different form of expression
and communication.
|
